This little piece was inspired by Jason Meador's "Four Condors",
available at Lori's archive.  

I hope he doesn't kill me. >.<  ~~EQ

Emby Quinn

Four redheads walk into a bar.

At first glance, the four women are identical--the same height, the 
same flaming red hair, the same wide sky-blue eyes, the same 
confident, don't-mess-with-me-Buster stride.  They could be 
quadruplets, but they're not.  They are, in fact, four interpretations 
of the same character, carefully adapted to fit into various genres 
extrapolated from a common source.

Miya pauses in the doorway and scans the bar, obviously looking for 
someone and not finding whoever it is.  Robin walks right in, 
throwing caution to the wind as is her custom.

Angel hangs back by Miya's side, nibbling at her lower lip uncertainly.  
"Do you think they forgot the address?" she stage-whispers.

Miya shakes her head.  "They were supposed to be waiting here for 
us.  That's what SHE said, at least."  She glances back at the fourth 
member of their little redhead convention, who gives a non-committal 
half-shrug and walks in.

"Hey, check this out!" Robin calls across the bar, retriving and 
empty bottle of JD Black from a table and holding it up like a trophy.  

Miya winces at her prototype's habitual indiscretion and walks over.  
"Joe," she murmurs, taking the bottle and looking at it before casting 
another look around the room.

"And here's what's left of some hot chocolate..." Angel observes 
quietly as the redheads congregate around the table.  "Dirk's been 

Robin taps a coffee cup.  "Jason, too."  She picks up the cup and 
sips at the cooling contents.  "Black, tons of sugar.  That's Jase."

"What do you think happened to them?" Angel asks, looking from 
Robin to Miya, eyes wide and wondering.

"Oh, would you just CUT the dewy-eyed damsel act already?" Robin 
erupts, her infamous temper getting the better of her.  "Dirky-poo's 
not here, you're not impressing anybody, okay?  You're making me 
sick with that stuff."

Angel's lower lip trembles.  "But I can't help it!" she whines.  "It's 
the medication they make me take!"

"Quiet, you two," Miya orders.

"Don't you tell ME to be quiet!" Robin snaps.  "I came before you did, 
little missy.  Don't you forget that!"

"You make it impossible to forget," Scarlet observes flatly.  "You're 
so Mary Sue it hurts to look at you."

"Oh, yeah?!"  Robin whirls on her.  "Looks who's talking.  You don't 
even have a storyline, you're just an idle fantasy, Cardboard Girl!"

"Please, let's not argue," Angel begs.  "Hostility makes me get 

"Um...excuse me..."

The four redheads turn around and notice a fifth standing in the 

"Eww." Robin makes a face.  "It's the OAV chick.  What's SHE doing 

Poppy smiles politely.  "If you don't mind keeping it down over here?  
I'm giving a concert for my Condor and his friends from Tekkaman 
Blade, Getta Robo G, and Yamato 2250 in the establishment across 
the street."

"Have you seen our guys?" Angel asks.

The idol singer turns away without answering and disappears into the 

"HEY!  Come back here, you pop-tart!" Robin starts for the door, but 
Miya stops her. 

"Don't even bother," she says.  "Even if she saw them, I doubt she'd 
remember.  Look at what she hangs out with."

Robin grumbles, but doesn't pursue the matter.

Angel steps on something and looks down.  "Hey, here's one of them!" 
she says.  "I can't tell which, though..."

From the darkness under the table is heard, in a gutteral 
baritone..." goooood..."

Miya and Robin exchange glances and say, in perfect chorus:  

Scarlet steps forward, reaches down and hauls the stupefied Eagle 
Rider out from under his hiding place.  She locks eyes with him.  
"Where are they?" she asks in a toneless, rather disinterested voice.

"Told 'em...'s wrong to be got any Valium on ya, honey?  
I think I'm having an emotional crisis."

"You wouldn't know an emotional crisis if it kicked you in the ball 
bearings."  Scarlet looks around at the other redheads.  "They're off 
getting into trouble again."

"They probably got bored with Coma Boy and went over to the Baskin-
Robbins to make fun of our brothers," Robin guessed.

"That's not very nice!" Angel protests.  "Then again, Ace is kind of a 
twit, isn't he?"

"Another brilliant observation from the Prozac Queen," Robin sneers.

"You know, you have a very bad attitude."

"Hey, I'm a Mary Sue, remember?  I can get away with anything."

"Oh, now don't go there."

As Scarlet sets Thax down in a chair and props him up to keep him 
from falling over, Miya gives up and heads for the door, determined to 
rescue her Condor from the company he's keeping before he acts on 
the impulse she is barely managing to suppress and kills the lot of 

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